Your Team Is Not Fine. The 5-Point Safety Check
“We’re like a family here.” — a company seconds before everyone rage-quits
Let’s get this out of the way: your team is not fine.
They’re not “just tired.” They’re checked out, treading water, or secretly updating their Notion resume during your all-hands.
And the worst part?
They’re probably smiling through it, hitting “👍” in Slack, and telling you everything’s okay while their brains are in full flight mode.
So what’s really happening?
Let’s talk psychological safety.
Not the warm, fuzzy kind. The actual brain-based kind. The kind Google studied. The kind Amy Edmondson publishes papers on. The kind your team doesn’t feel if they:
Say “yes” to everything but offer zero ideas
Don’t push back in meetings
Nod a lot, but act laterally or not at all
Treat 1:1s like parole hearings
Why? Because their SCARF is on fire.
What’s SCARF and why should you care?
David Rock’s SCARF Model explains the 5 brain-based needs that govern how we respond to social threats:
Status (Am I respected?)
Certainty (Do I know what’s coming?)
Autonomy (Do I have any control?)
Relatedness (Do I belong here?)
Fairness (Is this even remotely just?)
If you’re running a high-growth org and your communication is chaotic, your team structure changed 4 times this quarter, and you still haven’t defined decision rights - you’re hitting every single SCARF trigger.
Congratulations, you’ve created a workplace where everyone is smiling and silently panicking.
Run the 5-Point Safety Check
Ask your leadership team these 5 questions this week (and listen to their tone, not just their answers):
Where do you feel least clear about expectations right now?
When was the last time you felt hesitant to speak up?
What part of your role feels ambiguous or out of control?
Who do you lean on when things get messy?
What’s one thing happening that feels unfair?
If they fumble, deflect, or laugh it off?
You’ve got a trust problem, not a motivation one.
Red Flag Radar
🚩 People who used to challenge decisions are now nodding.
🚩 Cameras off, mics muted, no questions asked.
🚩 Everyone’s “too busy” for retros, reflection, or feedback loops.
Spoiler: That’s not “focus.” That’s shutdown.
What I Told a Leader Last Week
“You don’t need a culture deck. You need to stop calling your team a family and start making them feel safe enough to be honest with you.”
He laughed. Then asked for help redoing his leadership rituals.
This Week’s Brain Nugget
Threat shuts down learning.
If someone’s brain detects danger, social, emotional, performance... they literally lose access to prefrontal cortex resources like reasoning, planning, and memory.
Translation: If your leadership culture feels unsafe, your smartest people are getting dumber by the day.
Try the 5-Point Safety Check. Seriously.
Pick one team, one 1:1, one meeting. Run it. See what surfaces.
Then ask yourself: Am I leading a culture where people speak the truth? Or just trying to survive it?
👉 If this hit a nerve - good. That’s your signal.
